My breastpump speaks to me

I have the Medela Pump in Style which of course is a totally ridiculous name. Is it EVER really possible to express milk from your breasts stylishly? I don't think so.

Sometimes I think it is speaking to me or really at me. Let me explain...

The pump in style is designed to offer a 2 phase expression motor to mimic a babies suckling. So when it is first turned on the motor makes a small humming noise but as it moves into phase 2 about 3 minutes into the process, the motor starts to get loud and the pumping noise is rhythmic - I guess the way an electric pump should sound. So from minute 3-12 or so it is this non stop loud pumping sound and I hear a number of messages. Lately it's been: "fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off" over and over again. Say it out loud about 10 times in a dull and quick voice. This is the Medela Pump in Style voice. Sometimes I also hear, "wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake." The other one I hear is "You're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat" and recently "shoot me, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me."

After I hear the voice, I try to get it out of my head and try to "hear" positive messages like "you're cool, you're cool, you're cool, you're cool" but it's really hard to believe that when you have cups and tubes and a pump expressing milk from your breasts.

Ohhhhhhhhhh the joy of modernity.

After I pump in style, Rocco and I head to the kitchen where I put him in his Rainforest swing mobile while I make breakfast. I can't wait for him to outgrow it because at the moment, I have to hear the "itsy bitsy spider song" several, and i mean several times each and every morning. And sometimes I can't get the damn song out of my head. Luckily I found its antidote: Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne.

So this is my morning routine. Trust me, the afternoons and evenings are much much better and all the voices and songs go away.....I wouldn't be writing if..........

Oh no, the song is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

==================================

Pictures: Meg and Rocco on Sunday (we baked cookies) & Rocco in his Rainforest swing mobile.